How Self Portraits Revealed The Inner Me

In the last few months I’ve been on a bit of a journey with myself. Hmm, I do hate using the word journey as it makes me feel like I’m on some bad reality tv show. It has been a step by step process, a progression of sorts. Maybe it is best described as a path of self discovery. It started in the most unlikely of places for me – taking self portraits.

The Self Portrait Studio

When I found the Self Portrait Studio last year I was really looking for a photography course to help me become more comfortable with my newly upgraded camera. This was definitely not that, as the course was based on using your phone camera. I was intrigued though. In the description it mentioned that this is a good course if you feel uncomfortable in front of the camera, or don’t feel good about your photos. It talked about healing and wanting to connect with yourself. I repeatedly came back to read the description and scroll through The Golden Brand instagram posts. I also wanted to show up more for my website and social media posts for Wallis Designs. In my mind I thought it would help with my brand photography, the business side of it was what I was really going to get out of this course.

There was a self portrait challenge starting in October. Something was pulling me in and telling me to to do it. The night before it started I hit the button and signed up. Little did I know what was ahead for me.

I have always had a complicated relationship with myself around photographs. In my family I’m the photographer, which is great because I love photography, but it is also a convenient way to most often not be in a family photo. If I was in a photo, I was often in the back or hiding behind some object. Sometimes I wouldn’t mind a photo of me, but mostly I didn’t. Over the years I was found less and less in family photos and I joked that years from now you might wonder if I even existed.

Self portraiture is a powerful exercise to see yourself in a new way–the first step toward a new, healthy relationship with your face, your body, and your spirit. 

Lisa Haukom, Self Portrait Studio.

From what I thought was just a twist on a photography course became so much more. It began three months of transformation. I spent time with myself and learned to recognize my angles and curves. I took took hundreds of photos and experimented with the weekly prompts (themes). I was free to creatively express myself and this opened up my creative energy to all aspects of my life. It became more than just self acceptance, but allowing to see the light inside me.

​My feelings about myself are shifting and my thoughts are more gentle and kind. I’m starting to feel like my own friend and I feel more comfortable and more present in my self-portraits now.

Nancy Wallis, excerpt from my interview with The Golden Brand.

Finding the Light and Joy

Reflecting on the changes I have felt over these last few months, I realized for most of my life I have been trying to change myself for one reason or another. I finally wasn’t trying to do that. I was getting to know myself. Instead of fixing myself I was releasing what was always there, but I had been holding back and suppressing. It sparked the light and joy within myself.

Working through this challenge gave me the opportunity and the supportive nudge with support to put self-acceptance into action. I don’t mean I love every photo of myself and I don’t have self-doubts, because I still do, so let’s just say I’m more self-accepting now than I was. I’m definitely a work in progress, and I hope I always am because I want to continue to learn and grow. Happily, I am in such a lighter place now and I want to keep moving forward.

I was recently interviewed by Lisa Haukom of The Golden Brand. You can read the entire interview here. I know there is a new challenge starting up next week (Feb 2nd). If this sounds like something you would like to try you can read all about it here.